Self War

Self War
I feel so strangled not because of the things that are happening and not because of my crisis not because of my sufferings, battles, failures but because of my own self. The inner voice People call it conscience. But I think that’s the voice of my soul, the voice of actual me. Not me but my inner me which is real.

I am fake. I fake my smile, I fake my sentiments, I fake my emotions. But the real me never faked it. I feel pain in my bones. In my heart. In my every vein in my every nerve. But the outer me always won to fake them. I quest myself and came to know that I don’t even know myself.

I sit down in a dark room. It’s 3:am everyone is sleeping while I battle to find myself. Who really am i. How can I feel like I cannot even breathe but how can I continue to live. How can I feel so disastrous but how can I continue to struggle. How can I feel its end and how can I keep running to find the end. How can I tell myself you lose? And how can I strive to win someday? It’s like I have 2 selves. Both selves keep rebelling with each other. Keep opposing each other. And this is why I am still alive. This is why I think that’s life.

The more you seek to find yourself, try to know yourself and your creator, the more you feel deeper the more you go deeper. And this journey of knowing yourself and your creator, my friend is so exquisite and drifted. Make sure you don’t lose and keep on the route because sometimes people go lost in this journey and never came back.
Minahil Zulfiqar